Excuse MY Beauty

I dedicate this post to the ever so odorous, Ms. Saige Harmony.

Dear Saige,

Just because your last name is Harmony does NOT mean that you are pleasing to the ear. In fact, you are not pleasing to the eye either.

First things first, I am in NO way insecure about myself. I just tend to be a little neurotic when my roots have grown out half an inch, and my stylist happens to be bathing in Bali. Second, my art does not mask… rather, it projects the beauty in which you already possess. And I admit, YOU are indeed a gorgeous one, but those eyebrows… BLASPHEMY!

I promise to keep my body butters and lipsticks to myself, but please, OH PLEASE, be humble and accept a gift when it comes your way, especially if it’s to your advantage. The feng and shui will agree that if you tame those unruly brows with these Artisan Tweezers, and tend to that overgrown shrubbery with this earth friendly Hemp Wax, THEN the yin and yang will definitely be on your side…

Trust me my dear, your candles are great, but my magic is greater.

Love, THE Takahatchi

Crazy for Swayze

*Sigh*… And here I thought 2009 would end without another celebrity death. My naivety comes and goes, mostly goes… but WHY oh WHY did it have to be Patrick?

Being the exclusive outsider that I am, I admired and adored Mr. Swayze since I first laid eyes on him. I was a wee 5 years old when I first met Darrel Curtis in “The Outsiders”. One of my favorite movies of all time. Four years later, I met Johnny Castle, and I was never the same. My hands went from being regular hands, to exquisite jazz hands. How else did I become head makeup artist at such a tender age? Oh yes, my dancing became extremely dirty as well, and I refused to play that lame elementary school game “Four Corners”, because nobody could put Takahatchi in a corner.

Then the years passed, and I had the pleasure of meeting Sam Wheat from “Ghost”, Bodhi from “Point Break”, and finally Vida from “To Wong Foo…” That’s when I had the chance to be in his presence. Yes, yours truly was on set applying drag queen makeup. One of the highlights of my career.

Which brings me to another highlight of my career. Introducing YOU to chemical free products which help prevent cancer. Ignorance is bliss, and change is difficult to some… but it is for your own good.

Takahatchi’s Words of Wisdom #009: “Aluminum belongs in foil. Not in your armpits.” Please take a moment to view these alternatives to your regular not-so-good drug store deodorants. Kill It Dead by Simone Chickenbone and Totally Pure Deodorant by Origins Organics are two of my favorites. They are both aluminum/paraben/and synthetic preservative free!

In conclusion, Patrick Swayze lost his battle with cancer on Sep. 14, at the age of 57. May God rest his soul in heaven, where there are no corners to be put in.

Because I'm a genius...

… And I demand respect.

My IQ is above and beyond, along with my looks. Therefore I have been in high demand these last couple of weeks, and Thank Buddha, I’m finally off that mosquito infested island, that is… Aristotle’s private “paradise. ”

Not only do I thank Buddha for being off that disgusting piece of real estate, I’d also like to thank the wonderful world of Kabuki for influencing me from the tender age of 3. It allowed me to master the cosmetic arts as well as staged productions. So you see, if it hadn’t been for my fashion styling, beauty makeover, and dramatic interpretation of the famous Kabuki, “Kenuki”, Kip would have never been able to escape Ari’s stale smelling mansion and creepy island either. I never wanted to be his savior (I helped him develop a terrific disguise), but I was promised a lavish trip to a Parisian Hideaway, equipped with my own hot pink jet. Being a genius has its perks.

Which brings me to Karl.

“… It’s not that I’m too bossy, but as far as I’m concerned, I see it one way and not in another way.” A quote by the OTHER Genius, Karl Lagerfeld, who by the way, turned a glorious 76 years old today and deserves perks as well.

So, I asked my darling assistant to overnight him the Japan Travel Kit by Red Flower, because the divine products are created to release the flow of vital energy in the body, which he needs. Also, I’ve mentioned it twice and I’ll mention it again, ALL good things come from Japan.

Now I’m off for some body rehab with Jack Black’s Scrub & Muscle Soak… the OTHER Jack Black (i.e. not the actor). I thank Kip for all these knots in my body (it was quite a fiasco getting him off the island). I hope my exaggerated theatrical movements paid off…